Its a lovely day

I had a long long sleep and woke up way past my usual timing. I had a very late night yesterday, and it was a busy day.

In the morning, I was on the field with my 10 other teammates against a team weaker than us. However, with several mistakes, I caused the team to suffer from a 2-3 defeat. It felt bad.

I rushed off to the other commitments I had, trying to put the unhappy past behind me. Traveling around the area and arriving back at the same place is like being pushed around like a ball, feeling tricked by a friend of mine.(Definitely not intentional but its kind of stupid) It made things worse. Fortunately, with a stroke of luck, I managed to arrive at the place unscathed, only with a lot more sweat adding on to my stickiness. Seeing the team you have trained doing well is certainly rewarding for any mentor. My team did well. However, I did not any better( since the commitment was shit to begin with), but at least it did not worsen it.

Finally off to dinner! I was hungry, but felt like shit because they were dining in a place which exceeds be expenditure. I am not well-to-do and will never want to spend excess cash just because i have to, only when I really need to. The girl was there. We were pretty close and had the same old conversation we always had. But something just made me feel beneath others.

1) Another guy offered her sweets
2) He offered to sent her home
3) Rich guys have something I do not

As an introvert, we never feel good about ourselves in comparisons. I am jealous of those that had everything i had to live without, outgoing and definitely a much better catch than a quiet guy like me. Its not the fault of others, but its just me. I know it but I don't know how to change! That's what been bothering me ever since I was born.

To be nice, super nice and uber nice, you just have to be sincerely nice. But i really do not know how, and do not have the courage to do so. It sucks, seriously. it just sucks.

After which, we had a hell lot of fun at the playground playing-something we have not done for a very very very long time. It was fun. They talked about their childhood times. And that made me think, how much have i missed out, and how much more do i need to live without, by being born with such a personality. I really hate it!!!

How to be a nice guy?

LS

LS has always been the way of life ever since I made the choice 1 year back. Innocently joining the organization which is draining my life like I have never felt before. 2 months more, just 2 months more and it will all be over. Negative qi is what we call it, the aura of spreading negativity which never fails to dampen the mood of any occasion when we come together. 三句不離本行。That is precisely the situation right now. Besides work, it is either too tiring to bring up a common topic, or the strained relationship has made it increasingly difficult to do so.

We are all tired, so very tired of it but lets look at the bright side of life! ITS JUST 2 MORE MONTHS!! Whats that compared to the past year of shit we have been through man. So lets hang on with life and make the fullest out of it. We should perhaps just leave work aside and get back to the wonderful old times we had, bring back our true selves and enjoy life instead of dreading it.


Its a bold step I am going to take despite being an important academic year for me. Love is still too profound but trying out should be pretty interesting. My heart jumps faster when I see her, mouth widen into a smile automatically and endorphins rushing through my body which just makes me feel so good. Everything just seem to fall into place as long as I see her. Every lecture without fail, I would peek at her from a distance since last year, hoping that she would catch a glimpse of me. I never knew if she realized but I believe the answer's a no. Its about time I should confess since I read off somewhere which feelings for a crush never gets past 4 months and its been almost half a year now for my case.

She is not a total stranger to me, in fact, very close to me due to our work(sucks). She is exactly like any other normal girl off the streets which you would not normally take notice in. However, she just resonates with the frequency of my heart. I just cannot help my self from falling into it. Although it is not as strong as in novels, I just feel it there, hanging, and just there. Love is too complicated, too abstract after all. 1 thing i know, I really really really want her to be happy and know that I will be there for her :).

It's easy to love someone but hard to let someone love you back. That's the challenge of love. Fighting without knowing how to win,this has been always going on and on